RANSVESTIA

call our superego, which exerts very strong overall control of our daily lives.

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It also plays a big part in the development of our self concept (image), i.e. "I am the kind of a person who is who does who believes etc. It operates even in those who have set themselves against society. The only difference being that the "is", "does", "believes" patterns do not correspond to those bearing society's stamp of approval. As long as there is a relatively consistant 1:1 relationship between what one does freely and happily and what his interior self concepts call for his doing, all will be well. But as a small inconsistancy between image and performance appears, there also appears the psychic symptoms of anxiety, shame, self reproach, and condemnation. As the small incongru- ity grows from occasional and slight to frequent and considerable, the above symptoms are not only increased but joined by feelings of guilt, fear and isolation. These psychic responses often enough, begin to affect body functions so that indigestion, colitis and ulcers may show up in the digestive system, blood pressure, and heart function are altered, hyper- ventilation (rapid breathing) which throws blood chemistry out of bal- ance) and asthma attacks if one is inclined to have them show up. And, of course, general nervousness, insomnia and irritability follow.

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Fear arises from the awareness that someone else might discover the inconsistancy between action and the projected image. In the case of the FP, fear that someone may learn of one's love of dressing, and anxiety about the consequences of such a discovery by parents, wife, boss, police or whoever becomes a regular part of his life.

Guilt comes from self awareness of the difference between what one's self image says that one should be and should do and what one knows he actually is and actually does. This conflict between theory and practice can be very corrosive and destructive as most FPs have learned. What they have not learned is the dictum of Albert Ellis, that it is not what one does that causes him the trouble but rather what he tells himself about it, i.e., "I'm sick, abnormal, dirty, immoral — I'm a fool, a jerk, an ignor- amus," etc. etc. If FPs could learn that lesson they would be a long way along the road to self acceptance. Dressing in skirts is no more injurious to the body than dressing in pants. The cut and style of cloth is not re- lated to genital anatomy. The real trouble lies in the self accusation and the castigation resulting from awareness that one has not, and knowledge that one can not or will not cease the inconsistant action (i.e. dressing). Guilt annnd shame are not the feelings resulting from this sense of having let oneself down.